By Noah Wilskey

April 3, 2019

(Story initially shared on Facebook + Linkedin)

WARNING: Though I have some apprehensions sharing much aside from photography on social media these days, I do hope this recent experience of mine leads you to do more than simply like /social media react/or share once and eventually just forget, as you go back to life as it was. I really hope that if you do read this, instead you feel may feel provoked to stop and share a conversation with somebody on the streets of wherever you are…

I want to tell you the story of Bobby.

Before you ask, the answer’s no. I don’t have a picture of him (It’s not always needed to tell the story...)

While leaving work Monday night, walking on New York’s 6th Ave, wireless headphones in ear like everyone around me also clocking out, I noticed a homeless man on the side of the road with a sign asking for change.

Like everyone around me and like I’ve reacted so many times before, I was gonna keep walking. It’s all the same in these kind of situations, right? No.

I knew I had some change in my pocket from lunch, and when I looked into this mans soft brown eyes It felt without question I should stop and talk.

After giving whatever change I had and saying I hope he stays warm. The man opened up jokingly and said thank you. He goes on to tell me I looked like an actor who played a villain in an old movie. Hellboy was his first thought, but after talking it out and some investigative work on Google, he came to the conclusion it was Colin Farrell from the ‘03 film daredevil 2. I hadn’t heard that before or of the movie, but nonetheless, he was excited to figured it out - like we all feel when trying to figure that thing out something out that’s on the tip of our tongue.

After telling me a detailed review of the movie and how I need to do myself a favor and watch it, we swapped names. Bobby’s a bigger guy and in his 40s from the looks of it. From his account he’s been living on the streets of New York for the last 11 years. Immediately after telling me this, he follows up saying that in those 11 years, not once has he ever been invited to stay, or eat at anyone’s house.

Bobby elaborated, saying that when he was 3 weeks old he was adopted into a large family with large houses and money…that’s when i knew our clearly different lives, weren’t so clearly different...

I too was adopted and we shared a genuine excitement in this connection. However, this was short-lived, as it quickly became clear it was different for him… Every day, I know well just how fortunate I am to know the love of my family, and my gut knew, even before Bobby told me, his case was different.

At the age of 10 or 11, Bobby was told by his adoptive parents he wasn’t a real member of this family, that they didn’t want him any more and was told that when they passed away he would be on his own. So then comes that point of 11 years back to today. That point he said he became homeless and began life on the city streets.

We continued to talk. About his hardships on the streets. About how he feels overlooked as someone that’s homeless, but NOT trying to get free handouts or a dollar to use towards drugs or alcohol - as he is often always perceived. Bobby admitted though, he’s his own bouts and struggles, but said that we all do in one way or another, and proudly told how me he was 6 years sober and going strong.

He went on, saying how a lot of other people on the streets around him aren’t so lucky against their own struggles and how that leads to his livelihood in constant danger. He tells me how he always watching his back. When he eats. When he sleeps* (See end notes). When he simply stands on the sidewalk.

Bobby’s struggles in being able to do these things we all so often take for granted were clear. However, I was surprised to find out it wasn’t just because of others also on the streets, but people like you and I. He confessed how he’s been threatened for his things - a small push cart with a black trash bag of clothes and another bag for his food - during the day, but also turned and chased away from going into places because of his stuff and how his overall appearance .

His tone changes with a bit of remorse, as he shares how he’s been turned away from places he’s tried to apply to and how he’s talked with other people on the streets, people who said they could help him out with a job. But when he’s called to follow up, and tells them who he is and explains his absence of address, they never followed through. And, though I can’t speak to this exact experience, this related to my own life, and felt like a time when I have been “stood up” by a meeting, an email, or linkedin communication in my own career endeavors…

Clearly Bobby is a tough guy, and clearly it slows (it needs to). However, the whole time we had talked, it was different. He carried a soft and kind hearted demeanor, truly genuine in the way he spoke to me since we started talking.

That’s when I was compelled to ask him, “what motivates you each day... seriously, how do you do it?...”

Bobby smiled at the question, chuckled lightly, and said confidently, “it’s knowing that it could be much worse, and that it can get much better.”

This man’s response, and his daily perspective and outlook of life can be applied with us all as we go about our daily lives, amidst the countless others coexisting doing the same. Needless to say, while I wanted to do more to help him right then and there, I recognized that financially I was in no position to really be able to, but offered to buy him a couple slices as I made my way down the street, pointing down to one of the nearby pizza joints. Bobby thanked me, said he looks forward to our future talks around this area, then shaked his head and said he had plenty of food. Proudly patting one of his black bags on his small cart.

—————————————————————

Follow up…

I find everything about this interaction incredible and uncanny. The night before i met Bobby, I was fighting back tears saying goodbye to my family after their week’s long visit. I had felt robbed by the fact of how I only got to see them a couple times a year nowadays, living across the country. But after meeting Bobby, I feel like the richest man in the world, realizing I’ve got their love and the love of so many others…

These stories, these daily interactions we have with one another, no matter who they are, are valuable lessons in how we can learn to grow, coexist and relish in the beauty of this thing called life.

Stop and Chat.

—————————————————————

Epilogue + Notes

Epilogue

As I was turning to head out after we had a final fist bump goodbye, I asked if he’s often around the area by my office…He told me he’s usually bouncing in the few blocks nearby, at least when the suns out, and so I told him I hope we get to talk again soon. Then, just as I begin to walk down the block, he shouts “Hey Noah! Wait!” Curious what my new friend had on his mind, I turn back and ask what's up? He tells asks me if i could google the book “Little Old Wine maker” on my phone.

Similar to our search for my celebrity doppelgänger when we first met, after a few refinements to the search term, we found our match and he points out there that on the cover is his father, in front of his old house and their apple orchard… he told me he’s always wanted to read this book because it tells his dad’s story and he wants to see if he is mentioned at all.. or If his family really did forget him. Though I have no idea what the outcome will be, today, 2 days after we connected on Monday the first of April, I decided to buy the book and plan to always keep it in my backpack to give to him to read when I see him next. I hope soon.

Notes:

*Bobby let me know the last time he slept in a bed was in a hotel about 2 weeks ago, and so the majority of nights he sleeps sitting down. He acknowledged it was awful for his blood circulation, but crucial for watching his stuff and his self defense.